A narcissist can blend in easily in public, showing many faces, and essentially embody a chameleon. But, there’s always a catch:
There’s always a target the narc zooms in on. Like a bloodhound, they spot the target’s qualities and resources and seek to gain whatever they can (source). And, narcissists are pathologically envious of anyone stealing their shine and stepping into their spotlight. If there is a perceived threat, the narcissist will stop at nothing to extinguish the person who threatens their spotlight. They will carry out their mission by drawing from their arsenal of covert tactics.
The target soon becomes a high pursuit.
The narc will engage in conversation seeking to build a connection. This prompts the target to reciprocate and allow the narc to share more about themselves. The narc will seize the opportunity to share anything that makes him or herself look altruistic, noble, and valuable. They will answer questions with no hesitations – even if it’s a full-blown lie- but they will always, always, play the role of the victim.
They will quickly share highlights of their past relationships and divulge anything that portrays them as the innocent party.
You see, when a narcissist can no longer control you, they attempt to control the way others see you…even if they do it on a national, televised platform.
This tactic is employed in efforts to build, maintain, or save their reputation.
Narcissists spend their entire lives constructing a very alluring false image. They appear to be generous, warm, kind, caring and empathetic all while building a fan club and securing their trust. Make no mistake, the narcissist carefully handpicks each club member to ensure they never witness the mask slip. If they do, they’ll dismiss it.
So, it all comes down to one simple synopsis: a narcissist wants to be admired and praised as much as possible. If that means overly aggressive behavior masked as an effort to “claim the prize (the target)” or lying to gain the upper hand and victimizing themselves, that’s exactly what they will do.
Impulse decisions are deemed admirable by narcs. Especially when on pursuit, impulse decisions are almost always a #1 choice as the narc perceives this as a strong suit – a way of showing how “strong”, “passionate”, and “determined” they are (source)
For a narcissist, impulse decisions = zero self-control.
As woman who lived almost five years in a relationship with a narcissist I want you to understand me when I say: They. Will. Not. Change. You live each day almost adapting to their behavior while subconsciously knowing it’s wrong and you should run as far away from them as you can. But, you’re simultaneously holding on the to hope that change is coming.
Whenever you see positive, loving behavior, you hold onto that glimmer of hope and believe the good that’s deep down inside of them has yet to fully emerge.
Guess what? That good you see is a facade. It’s another tool in their repertoire that comes and goes. So, let me put this in perspective for you.
Whether you’re currently still in a relationship with your narc and living miserably or you’re no longer together and experiencing the aftermath of the relationship, be aware.
A narcissist will create a version of “truth” that they fully invest in and believe in so much so that they remain blissfully unaware and come across as happy and unbothered. The narcissist is oblivious to the fact that they hurt you and always take offense and seek to defend themselves when confronted about it. They are so focused on self they see these type of conversations as attacks and will victimize themselves in the process. When faced with an alternative, they move away from anyone who tells them the truth or makes them feel like they are being attacked.
A typical narcissist reaction!
If you think you’ve met a narcissist, run! If you’re currently with a narcissist, please, consider your wellbeing and the wellbeing of all involved.
You hold the key!